Getting A New Idinty
STEP 1
The first step is to find out who exactly you'll become. The most secure way is to use
someone's ID who doesn't use it themselves. The people who fit that bill the best are
dead. As an added bonus they don't go complaining one bit. Go to the library and look
through old death notices. You have to find someone who was born about the same time as
you were, or better yet, a year or two older so you can buy booze, etc. You should go back
as far as you can for the death because most states now cross index deaths to births so
people can't do this in the future. The cutoff date in Wisconsin is 1979, folks in this
grand state gotta look in 1978 or earlier. Anything earier there is cool. Now, this is the
hardest part if you're younger. Brats that young happen to be quite resilient, takin'
falls out of three story windows and eating rat poison like its Easter candy, and not a
scratch or dent. There ain't many that die, so ya gotta look your ass off. Go down to the
library and look up all the death notices you can, if it's on microfilm so much the
better. You might have to go through months of death notices though, but the results are
well worth it.
You gotta get someone who died locally in most instances: the death certificate is filed
only in the county of death. Now you go down to the county courthouse in the county where
he died and get the death certificate, this will cost you around $3-$5 depending on the
state you're in. Look at this hunk of paper, it could be your way to vanish in a clould of
smoke when the right time comes, like right after that big scam. If You're lucky, the
slobs parents signed him up with social security when he was a snot nosed brat. That'll be
another piece of ID you can get. If not, thats ok too. It'll be listed on the death
certificate if he has one. If you're lucky, the stiff was born locally and you can get his
birth certificate right away.
STEP 2
Now check the place of birth on the death certificate, if it's in the same place you
standing now you're all set. If not, you can mail away for one from that county but its a
minor pain and it might take a while to get, the librarian at the desk has listings of
where to write for this stuff and exactly how much it costs. Get the Birth cirtificate,
its worth the extra money to get it certified because thats the only way some people will
accept it for ID. When yur gettin this stuff the little forms ask for the reason you want
it, instead of writing in "Fuck you", try putting in the word
"Geneology".
They get this all the time. If the Death certificate looks good for you, wait a day or so
before getting the certified birth certificate in case they recognize someone wanting it
for a dead guy.
STEP 3
Now your cookin! You got your start and the next part's easy. Crank out your old Dot
matrix printer and run off some mailing labels addressed to you at some phony address.
Take the time to check your phony address that there is such a place. Hotels that rent by
the month or large apartment buildings are good, be sure to get the right zip code for the
area. These are things that the cops might notice that will trip you up. Grab some old
junk mail and paste your new lables on them. Now take them along with the birth
certificate down to the library.
Get a new library card. If they ask you if you had one before say that you really aren't
sure because your family moved around alot when you were a kid. Most libraries will allow
you to use letters as a form of ID when you get your card. If they want more give them a
sob story about how you were mugged and got your wallet stolen with all your
identification. Your card should be waiting for you in about two weeks. Most libraries ask
for two forms of ID, one can be your trusty Birth Certificate, and they do allow letters
addressed to you as a second form.
STEP 4
Now you got a start, it isn't perfect yet, so let's continue. You should have two forms of
ID now. Throw away the old letters, or better yet stuff them inside the wallet you intend
to use with this stuff. Go to the county courthouse and show them what nice ID you got and
get a state ID card. Now you got a picture ID. This will take about two weeks and cost
about $5, its well worth it.
STEP 5
If the death certificate had a social security number on it you can go out and buy one of
those metal SS# cards that they sell. If it didn't, then you got all kinds of pretty ID
that shows exactly who you are. If you don't yet have an SS#, Go down and apply for one,
these are free but they could take five or six weeks to get, Bureaucrats you know... You
can invent a SS# too if ya like, but the motto of 'THE WALKING GLITCH' has always been
"Why not excellence?".
STEP 6
If you want to go whole hog you can now get a bank account in your new name. If you plan
to do alot of traveling then you can put alot of money in the account and then say you
lost the account book. After you get the new book you take out all the cash. They'll hit
you with a slight charge and maybe tie-up your money some, but if you're ever broke in
some small town that bank book will keep you from being thrown in jail as a vagrant.